May 31, 2009

Facebook and coworkers: A lesson in etiquette

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I was having dinner with friends the other day when the conversation invariably turned to Facebook.

One friend said he'd all but stopped using the social networking site because he'd accepted friend requests from too many coworkers and could no longer keep track of who might be looking at his status updates and photos. I too fessed up to mixing business and pleasure on Facebook and now felt like I couldn't take a two-minute Facebook break while on deadline for fear an editor might see.

Wondering if my friend and I needed a refresher in the etiquette of Facebooking with coworkers, I ran a few questions by Jesse Stay, social media guru and co-author of I'm on Facebook -- Now What?? Here's what he had to say.

Q. Your boss sends you a Facebook friend request. You don't want to accept. What should you do?

A. Keep in mind that accepting the friend request may reveal some important information about your boss and his/her life. This could be that needed information to help build a stronger relationship with your boss and forge that needed raise or promotion down the road.

If you choose to accept your boss's friend request, be sure to adjust your privacy settings (click Settings, then Privacy Settings from the drop-down list that appears, then Profile) so only the information you want your boss to see shows up for them. Choose the Customize option in the drop-down lists shown on the page (Status and Links, Photos Tagged of You, etc.), and in the Except These People box, type your boss's name. You can also do this with any photo album or video you upload to Facebook.

Q. An ex-coworker or manager that you didn't really care for asks to friend you on Facebook. Are you obligated to accept?

A. There's certainly no obligation, but I don't believe in burning bridges. And since you can control what others see of you on Facebook, it might be worth accepting their friend request and seeing what happens. You may want to place them in a list of more "public" friends, which you can then not include when you set up your privacy settings.

Q. Any suggestions for my friend who's worried that his Facebook account has become overrun with coworkers?

A. In the upper-left of Facebook's home page, there's an option to create a friend list. (To do this, click the Create link.) Create one for work, family, and friends. I usually have a couple "close friend" categories and leave the rest of my friends out of any specific friend lists. Then I set up in my privacy settings for it to only display information to those friend groups.

To do this, click Settings, then Privacy Settings, then Profile. In the drop-down lists presented (Status and Links, Photos Tagged of You, etc.), select Customize, then select Some Friends. In the box that appears, type in the friend lists you just created. Only those friends will be able to see those specific pieces of Facebook.

Q. If you accept a coworker as a friend and later have second thoughts, how terrible is it to delete them? Do you need to offer an explanation?

A. If you have to see them every day you might want to explain, but my prediction is they'll never notice. Facebook doesn't send a notification when someone de-friends you, so often the person being de-friended never finds out. They just stop receiving your updates in their news feed. However, if you think it warrants an explanation to be polite, then it may be worth letting them know. For me, I just de-friend them and if they ask, I'll explain why.

Q. Anything else you think we should know about Facebooking with coworkers?

A. The number one rule in social networking is there are no rules. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. If the way you use Facebook works for you, then keep on doing what you're doing.

Michelle Goodman is the author of "My So-Called Freelance Life" and "The Anti 9-to-5 Guide." E-mail Michelle at mgoodman@nwjobs.com

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7 Comments

truffy on June 1, 2009 5:01 PM | Reply

I like to believe we are all too busy/evolved to get hung up on noticing any etiquette breach whether real or implied..

high privacy on June 2, 2009 11:06 AM | Reply

I think you should be prepared to have at least some sort of breach of privacy if you let your boss get in on your facebook account. As if the time at the office was not bad enough!
One way of dealing with this is to have a parallel account which you could keep only for your personal friends. Just don’t let the boss know of your other account!www.aafter.com

Steve on June 11, 2009 1:15 PM | Reply

One facebook account for co-workers and another acocunt for friends. Just like if there was no internet, you socialize with your friends when you are not at work and socialize with your co-workers when you are. So two accounts. Plus you do not have to remember to make things private or keep it from someone.

Dee on September 12, 2009 2:38 PM | Reply

I had a coworker of mine de friend me. I have about 70 friends so I noticed. We work in a small company and now I am thinking you b&*@#. So think twice before you ask coworkers to be your friends. She is kind of neurotic anyways but I think people are way to sensitive and my liberal views offended thee.

Ginny on November 14, 2009 10:27 AM | Reply

I will "hide" people who use a lot of profanity, post a lot of tasteless posts, post a lot of games, or give boring daily status reports. I have only de-friended one person, and that was someone who was abusive and was looking for posts by his ex-wife on other people's facebook accounts and then making rude comments back to her.

Bruce on July 14, 2010 10:53 PM | Reply

There is a Coworkers app on Facebook for those that want to manage their working relationships on Facebook. Just search for "Coworkers" and you should find it. I think it's a good idea to keep in touch with all coworker because you never know when your going to need to reach out to your network for help getting your next job.

Rebecca on January 3, 2011 8:45 AM | Reply

I had a coworker who was on my friends list. She used it to notify me about something from work when she was told to call someone else. It was my day off, so I told her I thought it was inappropriate for her to use FB in that manner. She got angry about it and continued to send me messages all through her shift trying to justify what she had done. I finally deleted and blocked her!

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