If you don't respect yourself, no one else will (including hiring managers) -- Career Center Blog

March 2, 2011

If you don't respect yourself, no one else will (including hiring managers)

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By Paul Anderson
NWjobs

I talked to a group of frustrated job seekers today. Their motivation seemed to be at an all-time low. Just two weeks ago, I had given them instructions on how to construct their job-search marketing plan, target their top companies and create a research plan that would make them knowledgeable about their future employers. This research was supposed to help them have better informational interviews, networking meetings and better-targeted resumes and cover letters.

Except for a handful, most of them hadn't done the assignment. Excuses included family medical issues and that they hadn't yet found their passion or were too busy preparing for an interview or networking, just to name a few. Yet, they were wondering why they hadn't yet made progress in getting closer to being hired.

I asked myself, "Are these people ready for work?" If they were currently employed at my company, and they couldn't deliver on a simple one-day research project with two weeks to complete it, would I even keep them on? Or would I instead start recruiting for other motivated job seekers in the market?

Why weren't these professionals taking their job search process -- which is now their full-time job -- seriously? To take it a step deeper, why weren't they taking themselves seriously or showing themselves some respect?

The other day, I was conducting an interviewing seminar on how to profile hiring managers, tailor your communication style and present more effectively. One person said, "I've tried all this stuff. It doesn't work. I mean, employers bring me in for interviews and ask me questions that aren't on the job description. They don't even know what they want. If they don't know, how am I supposed to? This happens to me all the time and I'm so frustrated that no one is hiring me."

She was putting herself in the role of victim. Her attitude was poor, her motivation was low and hope was lost. As I made suggestions for how she might try things differently, she would interrupt and say, "I've tried that" or "that won't work for me" or "you don't understand what's going on." She wasn't showing herself, the audience, or me any respect. She had all the answers figured out and, in her mind, she was doomed.

From training more than 4,000 professionals in the last two years and coaching hundreds individually, I've seen that if you don't take yourself seriously, if you don't show yourself some respect, no one else will. When you lose your motivation, you radiate negative energy. Others don't want to be around you and hiring managers, in particular, don't want to hire you.

Many of us have been there. But staying in this mindset doesn't help anyone.

So, you're asking, what should I do?

1. Interrupt your current thought pattern. Shut off that internal dialog by changing your activity. Does swinging a golf club take your mind off negativity? Is it doing yoga, calling a best friend, getting outdoors or reading fiction?

2. Devise a plan. Unless you move forward, the negativity is going to hold you back. Even if you haven't figured everything out, don't use the excuse that you're "soul-searching." I know folks who are in their late sixties who are still soul-searching. It will never end. You have to sketch out your future in order to give yourself the light at the end of the tunnel. Some books call it "vision boarding," some call it simply creating a list of what you want. You need to do more than just pure positive-thinking, though. I suggest you come up with an actionable plan, no matter how imperfect it might be.

3. Find a knowledgeable, motivated, and successful peer group. You won't be able to carry yourself forward all the time because you won't have all the answers, motivation or knowledge required to be successful. But others will. Take advantage of their generosity and surround yourself with those who can help you.

4. Give yourself a break. This situation is temporary. We've all been through this; chances are we'll go through it again. It means nothing about you, your self-worth or how good you are. As some say, "life happens." No matter how difficult and stressful this process may be, find a way to make this positive for yourself. See it as a journey to your brighter future.

I've coached enough people to see that at the end, everyone succeeds. Some are more fortunate than others, but if you follow these suggestions, you can dramatically shorten your transition time.

Paul Anderson of ProLango helps professionals in transition find their desired employment.

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Jim on March 3, 2011 11:26 PM | Reply

5. Don't listen to negative comments about how you're not trying hard enough or taking things seriously if you are trying hard but not landing the job. Find someone who can offer constructive criticism instead.

Mike on March 7, 2011 8:16 AM | Reply

Good one, Jim.

Also, "...employers bring me in for interviews and ask me questions that aren't on the job description. They don't even know what they want..."
This is very true, especially at larger companies. I've often found the managers and interviewers to be ill-prepared to even conduct interviews.

If you don't respect yourself, no one else will (including hiring managers)

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