Women: What to do if you're undecided about your career path -- Career Center Blog

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May 4, 2011

Women: What to do if you're undecided about your career path

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By Michelle Goodman
NWjobs

One of the drawbacks of having infinite career options is the indecisiveness that can ensue. Such is the plight of many young women today, writes mother and daughter team Barbara and Shannon Kelley in their new book Undecided: How to Ditch the Endless Quest for Perfect and Find the Career -- and Life -- That's Right for You.

I recently spoke to Shannon Kelley about the "analysis paralysis" many women experience when faced with today's overwhelming number of choices. Here's what she had to say.

Q. Why is analysis paralysis is so prevalent among young women now?

A. Women today are really the first to have been raised with the notion that they can do anything and have it all -- messages repeated against the constant backbeat: and you're so lucky that you can. Empowering ideas, right? But they have a flipside. When you're told you can do anything -- how are you supposed to choose, to commit? And if anything is possible, then surely something must be perfect. So we feel that it's our job to find out what that perfect thing is.

Another thing that's important is how interconnected today's women are, how exposed we are to every last detail of how every other member of our various networks are living their lives. They may be filtering it to look a little more perfect than it is, but we don't think of that when we look at their status updates. We just think, Wow, the grass sure does look greener.

Q. If you're in the throes of analysis paralysis, what's the best course of action?

A. When you're freaking out over what to do, an important thing to remember is that it's good to take risks, to try things. If you try something and fail, oh well. You pick yourself up and try something else. Failure is recoverable -- but regret is harder. Given the fact that most of us will change jobs about 10 times over the course of our worklife, we should give ourselves permission to do a little trial-and-error -- find out what fits and what doesn't.

Really try to focus on yourself. For women in particular, decisions become quite convoluted: we worry about what other people will think, about going against the grain, about being judged. And then there's the guilt factor. So it can be helpful to consider where those things are coming into play and to try to factor them out.

One final thing I'd ask myself is this: What do I do? Not what would I like to do, or what sounds cool to do, but what do I actually do in my life? That should give you some information about who you really are, and that can help to pull you out of paralysis.

Q. How does becoming a parent factor into the decision making process? Should it?

A. I think a lot of women look at parenthood as something that they'll worry about later, when the time comes, but I think that's a mistake. As women, our fertility does have a timestamp on it. So that's really something that has to be consciously factored in. You're not going to be able to be in two places at once, so think about how you're going to swing it.

The other issue is the workplace itself: it was designed by and for men who have someone at home taking care of the second shift. But who lives like that anymore? You can't have two high-level careers and still raise your kids without a full-time nanny. If you want to combine kids and career, it's going to be difficult no matter when you decide to become a parent.

Absent changes in the workplace -- or the type of worklife policies you find in Sweden -- the best option is to let finances be your guide: when can mom and dad afford to backpedal for a few years so that, if nothing else, they can make it to the daycare center before it closes. It would be great to think that the American workplace would allow women (or men) to hop on and off the career ladder -- without penalizing them -- to accommodate their families, but we're not there yet.

Q. What should young women who are getting pressure and less than helpful advice from older women in their life do?

A. An important thing to remember is this: ours is a very different world. An older woman whose options were limited can't possibly be expected to get the angst of being told "you can do anything" and then having to actually pick something. Also, people do not stay in one job forever like they used to: we bounce. Few decisions are as "forever" as they once were.

I'm inclined to quote Gloria Steinem here: "Dispense with the word 'should.' Whenever you're caught up in factors that involve that word, take a second to think. What about want? Love? Would like to? Am interested in?"

Q. What about waiting to be 100 percent sure of those big life decisions? Is this wise or no?

A. If you're waiting for 100 percent certainty or perfect circumstances, I'd implore you to get over it. Perfection doesn't exist. And one day you're going to wake up and realize that you've wasted a whole lot of "good enough" (not to mention time) waiting for it.

Michelle Goodman is the author of "My So-Called Freelance Life" and "The Anti 9-to-5 Guide." E-mail Michelle at mgoodman@nwjobs.com