How to say no without burning bridges -- Career Center Blog

June 14, 2012

How to say no without burning bridges

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By Randy Woods
NWjobs

In improvisational comedy, there is one overriding tenet that is the basis for all successful performances: the concept of "yes, and ..." Basically, this means that for whatever situation arises, the first response is to accept the premise, no matter how outlandish, and then add something useful to the dialogue to help move the scene forward.

In other words, if an improv performer starts with, "Hello, sir, I'm here for the job interview," an improper response would be: "No, sorry, the job has been filled." Not only does this halt the action entirely, it gives the other person very little to work with. A better response under the "yes, and ..." philosophy might be something like: "Oh, yes, we've been expecting you. Please have a seat next to the monkey."

OK, so maybe I don't have much future as an improv comic. But my point is that by accepting the setup and adding a monkey to the scene, the performer offers something for the rest of the cast to build upon. In a real job interview, this same "yes, and ..." mindset can be helpful when an interviewer asks you those uncomfortable questions -- such as "What is your biggest weakness?" -- to see how you respond under pressure.

However, after the interview, if the hiring manager contacts you and makes a job offer, the same rules don't always apply. In the current economy, it may be tempting to jump at the first offer that comes along; but this is no time for knee-jerk "yes" responses. A new job is a major decision in your life. Once you've heard the terms of the offer, which should include all the benefits, perks and salary information, it's perfectly acceptable to ask for a day or two to think over the offer (although three days might be pushing it a bit).

If you thoroughly weigh the pros and cons and decide that the job isn't right for you, don't be shy about letting the employer know. Sometimes job candidates will feel guilty about turning down a job offer or will worry about offending the hiring manager. The truth is, employers don't want to waste time on workers who are not 100 percent committed to the position.

A far more offensive action would be to accept the position and then later decide to rescind your acceptance if a better job comes along -- that's a sure way to burn bridges and get yourself placed on the unofficial blacklist among recruiters. They will, however, understand if you are honest with them and say that the job was not a perfect fit, or that you got another offer that better suited your needs.

In these instances, it's a good idea to transform "yes, and ..." into "no, but ..." When you tell them no, try to at least offer them something to acknowledge the time they spent pursuing you. Are there any other job seekers in your field who you think might be a better fit? Be sure to contact them in advance and see if they are interested. Then you can pass along that colleague's name to the hiring manager as a sign of goodwill. Before your next interview, keep a few of these names in mind in case this situation arises.

The keys to saying no to a job offer is tact and respect. Once you make your decision, don't delay your answer; you need to give the company as much time as possible to find someone else. You shouldn't feel obliged to divulge all the details of your decision, other than to say the position just wasn't the right fit for you.

Also, remember that the Pacific Northwest is a relatively isolated and insular labor market, compared with other large metropolitan areas of the country. Odds are, you and the hiring manager may cross paths again, so it's a good idea to leave the door open for future communication. Be sure to apologize for any inconvenience your decision may have caused the prospective employer, and mention what you liked about the position and the company. You never know when and how these courtesies you extend will be repaid down the road; a little sincere politeness never hurt anyone.

And don't forget to pass along your warmest regards to the monkey as well.

Randy Woods writes about job-search tools, networking techniques and other tips to help you land your dream job.