Keep your binders and your flirting and give me equality -- Career Center Blog

October 17, 2012

Keep your binders and your flirting and give me equality

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By Natalie Singer
NWjobs

I just read about some research that seems to prove women can get ahead in the workplace with a little bit of good, old-fashioned ... flirting.

Ha. You thought I was going to say hard work, huh?

Nope, flirting. That's right, baby. I'm batting my eyelashes right at you.

The University of California's Haas School of Business study, "Feminine Charm: An Experimental Analysis of its Costs and Benefits in Negotiations," was published this month in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

Flirtatiousness, female friendliness, or the more diplomatic description "feminine charm" is an effective way for women to gain negotiating mileage, according to one of the study's co-authors, Professor Laura Kray.

But not just any old flirting will do. There seems to be a science to the most productive office flirting, which is not overt sexual advances but "authentic, engaging behavior without serious intent."

The study found that female flirtation signals attractive qualities such as confidence, considered essential to successful negotiation. More about part of the study from UC Berkeley:

"The researchers asked subjects to imagine they were selling a car worth $1,200 and asked for how much would they sell the car. Next, the subjects read one of two scenarios about a potential buyer named Sue. The first group meets Sue, who shakes hands when she meets the seller, smiles, and says, "It's a pleasure to meet you," and then, "What's your best price?" in a serious tone. The second group reads an alternate scenario in which Sue greets the seller by smiling warmly, looking the seller up and down, touching the seller's arm, and saying, "You're even more charming than over email," followed by a playful wink, and asking, "What's your best price?"

The result? Male sellers were willing to give the "playful Sue" more than $100 off the selling price whereas they weren't as willing to negotiate with the "serious Sue." Playful Sue's behavior did not affect female car sellers.

Kray said many women professionals love to flirt and do not consider it unprofessional if it "remains playful and friendly."

Maybe it's because I still have the taste of the second presidential debate in my mouth, in which Mitt Romney said in response to a very serious question about pay inequalities that he sought out "binders full of women" for his state cabinet and kindly allowed a female employee to go home before 7 p.m. so she could be with her family and cook dinner.

Maybe it's because I know that American women who work full-time year-round are paid only 77 cents for every dollar paid to their male counterparts for equal work. Maybe it's because I know this gap translates to $10,784 less per year in median earnings. Maybe it's because I know that for minority women the gap is even wider.

Maybe it's because most politicians have refused to address this startling injustice as well as related issues such as paid parental leave, and many employers are still in the Dark Ages when it comes to policies that support families.

So I'm just not in the mood for flirting right now. I'm pissed off. I'm tired of this. I'm a hard-working woman who sure as heck wants to -- expects to -- be paid the same for my experience, education, work and value as any male employee would be. I want to be offered paid leave if I need it medically, including for birthing a child. I want to leave work when it's time to and not be penalized or passed over because I have somewhere to go.

It's nobody's business whether I cook dinner or order in.

So this woman isn't going to be flirting to get ahead. She's busy trying to argue for fair pay and prove her value through the quality of her work. If that doesn't communicate confidence, no amount of eyelash batting will.

Natalie Singer is a freelance writer and the founder and owner of Punkernoodle Baby, a Seattle-based cloth-diaper shop and ecommerce site. Email her at nsinger@nwjobs.com.

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parson | October 18, 2012 6:59 PM | Reply

You want to leave for childbirth, at full pay of course. You want to be able to leave when its closing time. It's no ones business if you depart because you "have somewhere to go".
AND you want to be treated exactly the same as a man.
You'll have to pick one. I don't see how you can have it both ways. Treated the same as a man, or special compensation for being a woman.
The successful women I know leave the work when the work is done.

Al | October 20, 2012 4:30 AM | Reply

@parson

Thank you for saying that. I am so tired of hearing all the whining.

@Natalie

Get a grip. It's very unprofessional for you to bring your personal baggage into this important topic. You should try a little playful flirting. Sounds like you could use a confidence boost.

Bob Langenbach | October 21, 2012 4:52 PM | Reply

The 77 cents is bogus. Economics says that if women can do the same work for 77 cents that men do for 100 cents, then all employers would be clamoring for only women. They wouldn't be able to turn down a 25% profit increase.

GOD | October 21, 2012 9:09 PM | Reply

Men and women are not equal. It's silly to think so. I love the argument about how woman athletes should be paid the same as men for winning a golf or tennis tournament. Right? You've heard that one? US Open? Wimbledon? Why shouldn't the woman get paid as much! I mean come on its the same sport right?! Well sure, aside from the fact women only play 3 sets in tennis, to the mens 5, every match. And in golf women play from much shorter distance tees on every hole. NBA basketball? WNBA women should get paid the same, they are equals! Aside from the fact they play with a much smaller basketball making it easier to score. But hey, everyone is created equal! Fools.No two people on the planet are equals.

GOD replied to comment from Al | October 21, 2012 9:47 PM | Reply

The cool thing about this world is you have choices. If you want to make more money go to work for yourself or find a job that pays better. I promise you unless you are some mediocrite who is stuck in the middle of the pack rat race, then you can make changes in your life. I'd suggest starting by stop complaining about something and instead make some changes. It's obvious she's not happy and it has little to do with her paycheck.

Natalie Singer | October 22, 2012 11:52 AM | Reply

@parson: That's the problem. For many employers, "the work will never be done." We need to support a culture where all employees, men and women, mothers and father, leave work when it's time to leave, because workers who have time to be with their families are in the end happier, more productive employees less likely to leave for a different job. If you only want to employ workers who leave when the work is done then you'd better install dormitories (better for the flirting, though, I suppose).

Natalie Singer | October 22, 2012 11:53 AM | Reply

@Al : Personal baggage? This is not about personal baggage. I am thankfully paid fairly for my work. A large percentage of women workers in this country are not. This is a problem everyone should care about. The only ones who should be worried about women getting fair treatment in the work place should be the men who aren't successfully pulling their weight...

GOD replied to comment from GOD | October 23, 2012 2:53 PM | Reply

Natalie? What about my points? Are they to correct to warrant a response?