Speaking as a transplant, I'll take a reality-based "grumpy, asocial" culture to the fake "sunny personality"culture you find in so many other locales any day of the week. This culture is part of the reason I CHOSE to locate here. Is choosing a small group of friends carefully such a bad thing or must we "friend" in real-life indiscrimately like we do in cyber-life? Anyway, I thought we were all inside our homes having small dinner parties, reading books, gaming, etc. If I wanted beach parties every weekend would I have moved here? Come on...

C'mon, give America's introverts a refuge! And if it has to be Seattle, then so be it!

I'm from Vancouver/ Portland and went to WWU before moving to Seattle. Seattle is a strange animal. People come off as self-entitled and pretentious... just in there own way. Yes you drive a Subaru or a Volkswagen instead of a BMW, but you live in a $500,000 house while doing it.. that makes you materialistic IMHO. It seems like you have to fit into a certain mold to fit in with the Seattle scene. People seem very judgmental around here.. Portland is not nearly as bad as Seattle in that regard. It is easy to meet people there as they actually WANT to make friends and interact with their fellow humans. If most of the people in Seattle didn't have such shite attitudes, this place would be an AWESOME place to live. Well, I'm off to Goodwill to get a new wardrobe and to trade my BMW in for a Subaru so I can be accepted. Later.

If you're native to Washington you will have no problems. I think it's outsiders who feel the chill- we have to endure them but we don't have to like them.

i have lived in 8 different states. and I have definately noticed the Seattle Freeze. It is remarkable how unfriendly people can be in a friendly way. I think it is a remarkable place to do a case studies on passive aggresiveness. However, Seattle, is one of the best cities in the U.S. to live and work, And we enjoy a great deal of personal freedoms.

The entire west coast is a bit enigmatic - I came here to Seattle 14 years ago from Toronto, Ontario, Canada where I had a large set of acquaintances but a small core of tight knit friends. Took a long time to build another tight set of friends, but now my wife and I have what we consider to be our surrogate brothers & sisters here - once you break thru the ice it's remarkably warm (much like an igloo). My network is very large and very tight - if you are earnest, honest and get results people will stick by you through thick and thin. But it involves the transplant throwing away any preconceived notions or immediate reactions and just going with the flow.

As I alluded to up above, I've found Portland, Olympia, San Fran, and LA all have their own way of doing things - being adaptable and open to learning new social skill sets makes you more likely to succeed than those who simply think theirs is the right way to act or approach situations/people. Just go with the flow as the surfers say...

As a transplant from Chicago, I can say that Portlanders are just as pretentious and in love with themselves as ppl of Seattle if not worse because of the need to be passive aggressive about everything! This blog is right on target from my perspective but forgot to mention the lack of respect for others when it comes to time. I used to think that the southers states were bad. Living here has proved that it can get worse. BTW everything Portland claims as an individual traight in helping them stand out and staying "weird" has already been done - in the light of day.

I just left a relationship because of this. This person could not get beyond himself (a transplant, by the way). This was the way it was, and if you could not do it his way, the Seattle way, then get out. So, I got out. I've never seen a city so up it's own rear end! Nowhere to park, having to fear the police (seemed I was always being ticketed for something, usually something poorly posted, etc), bad drivers, bad pedestrians ("I have the right of way, so I demand this 2-ton vehicle stop on a dime as I stroll into the street without looking!") Demonizing of people with cars in the first place, the 'green movement' that has reached near-Nazi levels...they can't seem to see beyond their own noses. Faces buried in i-phones and other electronics, inability to actually interact with other people...

The solution is simple.. All of the new people should just form their own social circles.. It is like the 900 kids in a high school who want to hang out with the 12 cheerleaders and their boyfriends.. Go get your own friends newbies! ;-)

The vast majority of people aren't from here and yet they seem so intent on joining the "in" crowd instead of simply becoming friends with all of the other new people.

One rarely discussed reason for the chilliness is that the new people often take jobs, clog our roads and over-whelm local community events but do NOTHING to contribute to solving the problem. I suggest anyone new take public transit for example.

Another complication but it isn't PC to discuss it. The high % of recent immigrants (1 in 4 in Redmond are non-natives) is also a complication. They tend to want to enjoy the benefits of living here but flood the schools (1 in 2 kids speak a language other then English at home) and expect to have their kids included in existing social circles.

I grew up in Seattle, but left for Minnesota a few years back. I have plenty of complaints about Seattle and the people, but the supposed "Seattle freeze" isn't one of them.

I've lived all over, but feel right at home socially in Minnesota (another place some people complain of feeling "frozen out"). Maybe it's partially a Scandinavian culture thing as both Seattle and Minnesota had high concentrations of Scandinavians originally, but I like it this way!

I think the actual problem has its roots in the constant over-share and superficial bonds that pass for closeness and friendship on the Internet, like having Facebook friends vs real friends. Maybe in Seattle we want to take our time to learn whether the new person we just met is going to be a real friend or that jerk who only posts political screeds and pictures of his World of Warcraft characters.

This question is so stupid. It really is.

There is no "Seattle Freeze". Are people so desperate for content and meaning that they have to make stuff like this up?

I grew up on the east coast in an Italian and Jewish neighborhood, in New Jersey, very close to Manhattan. People were no less or no more friendly than they are here.

I went to college in New England. People were no less or no more friendly than they are here.

What some people call "the Seattle Freeze" is the same "freeze" that you'll find in Phoenix, New York, Miami, DC, Chicago, Kansas City, Edmonton, Dallas, Toronto and anywhere else.

The more accurate name would be: "I moved here in my 20's or 30's and I'm shocked by the reality that it's harder to make very close friends, relatively quickly, than it was when I was in high school and college." It's called life. And it's true in any city or metro region.

Get real. Grow up. Stop the juvenile need to "figure out and label" absolutely everything around you. Sometimes its not all that complex.

I made the best friends I've ever known in this city...tied with the ones I grew up with and the ones who I grew close to in college.

We have dinner parties, birthday parties, beach parties, coffee on rainy afternoons and sunny mornings, walks around Green Lake, sailboat outings, plays, films, ski trips, swimming, baseball games, dancing, art galleries, school events, dances, public lectures, concerts and much more...just as people do everywhere.

And I've had as many good friends, and as much fun with my Seattle friends as anywhere else. Maybe because I just like connecting with people and enjoy putting myself out and being the first to issue an invitation.

And guess what else: We're not a monolith here in Puget Sound, or even in Seattle: we're all individuals and we are comprised of every social class, income level, ethnicity, height, weight, age, belief system and much more.

Most of us would be appalled to read an entire discussion focused on stereotypes regarding a race or nationality, as in "The (Ethnic Group) Freeze"---and we should be appalled!l

So, if it's wrong---and obtuse---to stereotype by gender, race, nationality, or sexual orientation---than why is it apparently "okay" to do so by geographic region or residence?

Think about it.

And while you're thinking about it, stop stereotyping that person you'd like to get to know better. Approach him and be friendly. Don't lay your own trip on him. You'll be happy you did. Go make a difference. And a friend.

I've lived in so many other states and I have found that Seattle may be cold, logical and "unfriendly" but they are not mean-spirited or cruel. You want to see 'mean-spirited'? Go to Jersey, where people insult you for saying 'excuse me' when you bump into them as if they are offended that you'd even speak to them. Seattle may not be warm and friendly like some Southern Hospitality type states, but we aren't mean. Really the benefit of having an "unfriendly" type of lifestyle is that there is an air of "live and let live". In Seattle, the people are free to dress as they please and behave in whatever way they see appropriate and while people may look at you sideways, they don't feel the need to push their worldview on you nearly as much as the suburbs of the richest part of the country. I love it here and don't intend on moving again.

I'm a second generation Seattleite. In my experience, Seattleites see relationships (whether friendship, romance, or family) as something that take a lot of time and energy to develop. That's not a bad thing... we put ALOT of energy into our relationships. As a 31 year old, I'm still best friends with the two girls who lived down the street from me in grade school. Those friendships are deep and nuanced, and continue to grow stronger every year. Casual friendships and acquaintanceships are naturally less appealing when you've been able to spend years developing intimate bonds with a few close friends.

We ARE friendly here... we'll strike up a conversation on the bus or in line at the grocery store... We'll drive around, helping a stranger find a lost dog, etc... but that doesn't mean we want to go out with you for coffee sometime. When we've already invested so much in existing relationships, we just don't have much time or energy left over...

Amen, GrumpyGramma!!

I am from Seattle and had lived there many years, but was relocated to Denver a while ago. At first I thought people in Denver were making fun of me, or being sarcastic, because almost everyone was just so genuinely friendly, it was creepy weird coming from Seattle. It took me a while to adjust, but after a while I thought it was really great. Maybe it's the weather, it's gloomy and dark 9 1/2 months of the year in Seattle, and in Denver there's 328 days of sunshine. Living in Seattle I went to the same dog park every day for two years, and nobody would ever talk to me, they all sat around in their little circles, and they would talk to my dog, but not to me. They would return a 'hello' but that was the extent of it.

As Angela mentioned, we tend to be friendly to strangers and go out of our way to help those who are in need. But many of us who are content to call this gloomy city home are introverts at heart and would rather stay home and read or walk the dog than go out for drinks after work or attend a barbeque at the home of a virtual stranger.

The "5 theories" mentioned in the original article are insulting (other than the introvert theory). Just because we don't want to spend time on a superficial relationship with someone new to the area does not mean that we're insecure, paranoid, busy, or mavericks.

I learned from my parents and am teaching my own children that you don't have to be friends with everyone. You have to be friendly and polite and treat people with respect, but you can choose who you're friends with. Perhaps this is a Seattle-only life lesson?

I'm not ashamed of my standoffishness. I don't expect a new acquaintance to treat me as a friend when I haven't earned that status through shared experience or common interest, etc. Earn my friendship and maybe we'll go out for coffee. Until then, I'll be friendly, I just won't consider us to be friends.